Articles

A PATHWAY TO HEALING

by Nicole Sotelo

Your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed…
(Mark 5:34).

 

Jesus shared these words with a woman who sought healing, and who discovered that her faith could help her heal. She is not alone. Today it's estimated that one-third to one-half of women across the globe will experience abuse at some point in their lives. Many are seeking healing through faith like the woman in Mark's gospel.

     Although Jesus' healing methods may not be those we use today, there are ways to integrate a Christian woman's faith into her recovery process from abuse. Judith Herman, a well-known psychologist on the topic of recovery from trauma, notes that there are three stages through which people traverse when healing. These phases are labeled "safety," "remembrance and mourning," and "reconnection." For those of us in faith communities, we must be aware of the ways that women's faith may be integrated into each stage of their healing process.

The First Phase of Healing

The first phase is the most critical to a woman's healing journey. Although no healing journey travels linearly, without this phase, it is difficult for women to experience the healing aspects of the second two phases. In this initial phase, a woman must establish a safe environment away from the person who is abusing her. This stage includes more than just physical distance from the person who is committing violence, but also includes elements of financial, emotional, food and health security. In addition to these essential basic needs for safety, a woman also may integrate her faith into this first stage and seek spiritual safety. This may mean seeking spiritual safety within aspects of her faith that are healing, or from aspects of her faith that are harmful. This is most important when the person who committed the abuse used scripture or religious beliefs as part of the cycle of violence. It is also important when the woman who has suffered abuse feels that aspects of her faith kept her from seeking a way out of the abusive situation, or when her deep faith may support her during the tumultuous recovery process.

     One example: Seeking spiritual safety may mean taking a sabbatical from reading scriptures that reinforce a woman's subordinate status such as "wives, be subject to your husbands" (Ephesians 5:21) or "let it be done to me according to your word" (Luke 1:38). Or seeking spiritual safety may mean reading comforting, healing scriptures such as "The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge" (2 Samuel 22:2-3).

The Second Phase of Healing

Once a woman is apart from her abusive situation, her secure environment allows her to begin safely recalling her experience of trauma. This second phase of healing --remembrance and mourning-- allows a woman to recall and grieve her experience of abuse. Spiritual remembrance and mourning is an important element of this second phase for a Christian woman. She may recall specific stories where her abuser used her religion against her, or when her faith succeeded or failed to support her during her experience of abuse.

     As a woman remembers her experiences of abuse, perhaps she may recall a time when her abuser used the name of God or denigrated her faith during an abusive episode. Or she may recall times when she cried out to God for the abuse to stop, but found no response. She may ask herself how she felt in these situations or how this impacted her relationship with God or her faith. A woman may also recall her religion's disdain for divorce that caused her to delay her departure from her partner who was abusing her. It is important for the woman to explore her feelings around these situations, and to mourn the times when her faith failed her.

The Third Phase of Healing

The third phase of healing is that of reconnection. Once a woman has shared and mourned her story of abuse, she is able to move forward with her life and reconnect with aspects of herself or relationships that she lost during the abuse. This third phase, like the others, has a spiritual aspect too. Women will often experience elements of spiritual reconnection such as reconnecting with their faith community, or with God in new healed and healthy ways. A woman may find new meaning within Christian scripture, tradition, or her faith community that provides support for her healing journey.

     For example: A woman may have previously found it difficult to connect with the figure of Jesus if she experienced abuse at the hands of a male --or if the person who abused her used her faith against her. In this third phase, a woman may now see the figure of Christ through a non-violent perspective. Jesus may become a model for her of someone who does not abuse women, but rather offers women assistance in their healing, as witnessed in many scripture stories. Or perhaps the woman used to refer to God as "All-Powerful" or "Father" which may be painful if her abuser used power inappropriately, or if the abuser was her father. Now, in this stage of reconnection, the woman may reconnect to God with new names and images such as "counselor" or "loving parent." For a woman who has experienced abuse, this third phase is a time of returning to a sense of communion with the world around her in healed and healthy ways.

     In each stage, faith is an integral component to a woman's healing. Like the woman with the hemorrhage in Mark's Gospel, the traditional healers of her day could not help her. It was not until she reached for Christ that she finds healing. Today's woman who has suffered abuse may also fail to find full recovery from secular forms of counseling. It may be that only when she reaches out towards her faith (and begins to understand how her faith may be used for harm or for healing,) that she will truly be able to "go in peace, and be healed" (Mark 5:34).

Nicole Sotelo is the author of Women Healing from Abuse: Meditations for Finding Peace (Paulist Press). A graduate of Harvard Divinity School, she currently works for Call To Action, a Catholic organization working for justice in church and society. This is her first piece for The Social Edge.